I got the news sometime on Friday as I was looking at
Facebook. It was my husband’s birthday and I was headed over to his page to
check out the birthday wishes his friends were sending. I immediately went to
MSN and saw the breaking news. I took a giant inhale and I don’t remember
breathing for the rest of the day. The news reports were conflicting, the death
toll was rising, and I just wanted to escape from the awful, terrible, horrific
news. Surely, this can’t be…
My heart hurt so much. I thought about my own children, as
many people did, who were at their schools. I couldn’t wait to hear their
voices when they were safely picked up that day. I thought about the parents who
did just what I did that day… they sent their kids to school. Some of those
parents would never hear their children’s sweet voices again. It was just
unreal to me. Tears flowed.
I didn’t turn on my computer or watch any regular TV for the
rest of the day on Friday. I couldn’t bear to see the faces of those children.
I couldn’t bear to know their names. I didn’t want to know anything about the person
responsible for this unthinkable act. It
hurt too much. If I close my eyes and turn my head, it’s not there, right?! Wrong.
I tried to do my usual cup of coffee/Facebook thing on Sunday.
The horrific news was still there. Damn. Closing my eyes didn’t work. Now my
friends were debating gun control, blaming the President, blaming the unthinkable act
on mental health issues, and blaming the mother. It seemed that assigning blame
would make everything better. Not. Again, for me, the internet went off and I
turned Netflix on.
I drove to Greenville on Sunday afternoon. As I was driving,
I began to think that there is something more… something I am missing…a lesson I
could learn from this. I began to think of the film “I AM” by Tom Shadyac. (I
had just watched his film “Happy” earlier that morning) In “I AM,” Shadyac
talks about connection and how we are hardwired for connection to others.
That was it! There is the lesson…
The moment I heard the news about the shooting, I was instantly connected to those people who I don’t even know. My heart hurt so
much for them. I was sad beyond words and tears flowed freely for the lives lost
and for the survivors. I wanted to DO something to help ease their pain.
The thing is... I do not know any of the people in Newtown, CT. I cannot be
a shoulder for any of those parents to cry on. I cannot sit by their side and
hold their hands. I won't be attending any of the funerals. I won't be making a
casserole to send to anyone.
I thought of people I do know who have suffering in their lives every day.
I have a friend right now whose close family member is battling a rapidly progressing
cancer. I would be more than happy to let her cry on my shoulder, sit with her,
hold her hand, or bake a casserole for her.
This tremendous act of violence opened my eyes so maybe in
some way I can help- even if it’s not directly to the families in CT. Maybe I
can help ease the suffering of someone here… someone in my town… someone I
know.
This is not to downplay the horrendous event in CT at all. I
wish there was a way I could help ease the pain and suffering there and to help
the healing process begin. If anyone knows of a way, please let me know. I will continue to pray for comfort, peace,
and healing for the survivors and residents of Newtown, CT.
“The whole idea of
compassion is based on a keen awareness of the interdependence of all living
beings, which are all part of one another, and all involved in one another” ~
Thomas Merton
We are all connected. We are all One.
I posted a comment before, but I don't think it went through so I'll try again. I really appreciated this post. As a teacher and a parent, the events of Friday hit me very hard. I turned off the news and have not read anymore about it since Friday afternoon. I feel I know all I need to about the events, there's nothing more I can learn that will make this any easier to stomach. As a blogger, I avoid political and/or mainstream subjects because I feel it would be extremely presumptuous to assume I could address them in any real, meaningful way...what do I know of politics of gun control, or mental illness diagnosis, etc? Very little. But what I do know about is what you addressed so beautifully in this writing - how to be a compassionate human being in the world, and how to not miss the forests for the trees when it comes to reaching out and connecting with others. While there is nothing I, or anyone, really, can do right now to ease the grieving of strangers, we can all take the compassion we are feeling towards those in Connecticut and channel it into acts of kindness for those in our lives, in our circles, in our own communities. Mending a rift, releasing a grudge, righting a wrong, being a shoulder, lending a hand, or some other random act of kindness could go a long way towards creating a universal sense of love and compassion not only in our own communities, but in the world at large. I'm glad that I read this today, it's inspired me to tackle some things in my own life, and channel my grief for the loss of life innocence on Friday into expressions of love and humanity in my own life, with those I know and can be a light in the life of. I look forward to more blogs by ECY. Thanks for living your message and reminding us that we, too, have one to live.
ReplyDeleteThank you for this thoughtful compassionate piece. Kindness in our lives brings benefits we cannot see. There is a way to help the community of Newtown. Create snowflakes for their new school. Send snowflakes to: Connecticut PTSA 60 Connolly Parkway, Building 12, Suite 103, Hamden, CT 06514
ReplyDeleteThey will use the snowflakes to create a Winter Wonderland for the students moving to the new building. With creativity and imagination, we can send our love and kindness to those suffering from the awful events of 12/14/12. Your writing is soul soothing. Thank you.